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AUGUST 5: homesick

 the homesick days are the worst days.

and let's face it, I'm here for 5 months. That's a long time away from home. i'm going to have good days and bad days. Today was a bad day.

it feels like a general fog of melancholy has been getting in my way recently, especially seeing that there are elements of my life that are...stressful...right now. Doing homework is hard, getting out is hard, building relationships is hard. I miss the comfort of having people around me who know me and unconditionally love me. This really feels like freshman year again, but harder in a way because theres always this undertone that I am not here forever. I think that mindset is limiting a lot of what I do. 

I find it scary to do things by myself. I feel like I'm always in a constant loop of relearning how to enjoy my own quality time. Last summer I got to know myself again and then this last school year beat the shit out of me and I lost a lot of that self respect that I worked so hard building. Side note:being in a dorm for two years really makes you appreciate not having roommates/having your own room. 

I stress myself out. The world stresses me out? I feel like I'm getting stupid, not because New Zealand is "stupid" but because I've felt so vulnerable and alien in this new place and that makes me feel stupid.

I miss my partner. I miss my best friends. I miss my parents. I miss the Menomonie city water and I miss my Stout studio. I miss that sense of belonging. I still feel very outcast here and It's been four weeks. A whole month. 

Don't take home for granted, because even though other places might be "better" in a lot of ways, Home really is where your community is.

Menomonie, WI, I've walked these streets sooo many times, and tbh I miss it right now.


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