Nuggets and Notions: A Grand Journey: Timescapes and Records from this Little Life

 Good Morning from Prospect Harbor, Maine. The whole earth seems to recognize spring as the time for change. Warm winds signal to birds that it is time to return to their summer breeding grounds. The songbirds sing a melody of a new season. the frogs in the pond sit in chorus together, welcoming a new chapter to begin. Plants emerge and stretch up from the ground, opening their faces to the new light of a season. May is a month of new beginnings. baby animals open their glossy eyes to the view of a new life. This morning I too woke up and felt reborn. Yesterday was my last day of work at this job I've poured myself into for the last year. it feels surreal, my mind still hasn't grasped that it's over. My subconscious still believes that it's just my weekend an that I'll be putting on my bandana and kitchen clothes on friday. But I wont. The pages of this life are turning over.  There is a certain untethered feeling that comes with being mid-transition. An anxiety and...

 Last year when I constructed my thesis show I wrote poetry on a side of the wagon. it never received much direct feedback but I have been thinking about it this morning. The writing is as follows: "To be truly Human one must recognize the wild animal that resides within their self. Nourish yourself and proceed into the world with verve and caution. Bare your teeth often. I am a great beast. A force born from nature. Life depends on death. it is our responsibility to feed and be fed upon. We are only capable of greatness if we foster an environment to be great within." Your tender body and heart (MY tender body and heart) are wild things born from nature. Will you allow yourself to be domesticated? Or should we fly into the unknown with all the passion and fire that lives within the great roaring creature that we are? Dive in, eat up, and stoke the flames within yourself that are turning to ember and ash. Should we live a life of the lazy old dog or the life of the desperate...

 Winds of change: our forecast says spring is here. We don't have freezing temps predicted for the next couple of weeks. Rain, clouds, sunshine, the breeze carries a whisper of warmth. Summer teases us.  With it comes the personal changes. Summer in Wisconsin calls to me, but the ties I've made in Maine are starting to become taught. I'm in reflection mode. Am I ready to leave? Short answer is Maybe....The long answer remains complicated. the sea whispers sweet nothings to me, begging me to come back. I promise her I will, but am committed to leading this life of a drifter for a while, I must continue to build a solid foundation for myself to live from. I NEED TO BE INVOLVED IN THE ARTS!!!!! The Atlantic is a special beast, she is unforgiving and has some sort of dark magic. As the sun breaks beyond the clouds and reflects off the water, she reminds me that she carries a sense of dreaming magic, too.  I am a dreamer. I dream of the struggle of pulling myself up by my boot...

 Dear Blog, I watched the tide rise this morning as I sipped my coffee and continued to obsessively calculate how long It'll be until my student loans are paid off. (too long unfortunately) Updates for me:  1. I'm still burnt out, but thankfully the burnout has moved into the work portion of my life and has allowed for me to find inspiration within the creative/professional side of things. These days, all I want to do is stay in the house and paint--Which is great for my spirit, but working the long hours that I do has gotten in the way of my creative process and has left me feeling frustrated. I wish I could just work a 40 hour work week like normal people do...it would allow me the time to come home after work and still have the energy to paint productively. Instead, I've been pushing through and painting when I have no gas left in the tank, and the results of this work have been proving to make some raw and honest pieces. I'm excited about this body of work, which mo...

good morning from Downeast Maine. its 9 am, i've gotten through the shower, read a little bit, have drank a substantial ammount of coffee, and did 30 minutes of yoga. not off to a bad start. my hiatus is starting to come to an end. I feel it internally.  I have spent the last week sick as a dog. I developed a headcold that became some serious laryngitis. my voice was taken from me. luckily, I finally had a good sleep on day 9 of my illness and woke up feeling like the fog was lifiting. Spending a week under the weather feels like being wrapped in a stifling blanket. No talking, no moving, clearing mucus, a general dull sense of pain that never really seems to get better despite the dayquil, nyquil, and constant doses of ibuprofen. being sick helps us to realize how grateful to be when we are in good health. Today is day three of finally being back to reasonable health and my body is hungry for activity, it's like my vessel has regained it's freedom and is yearning to stretc...

 I am in limbo. I think I've been in limbo since September. I have been floating in a completely consuming state of inactivity. When there's no distractions, it's easy for me to slip into patterns of negative self talk and extreme bouts of internalized anxiety. Yesterday when I left for work I was convinced that the wind would push the door open and the cat would run away and get run over by a truck. The day before that, a fire would burn down the entire house because I couldn't remember if i unplugged the electric blanket (i did), kill the cat, and I would be homeless. I can recognize these spirals as anxiety associated with leaving home and also generalized anxiety, but can still struggle to dig my way out of the thought patterns.  Today I woke up with more energy and clarity, even though I've been sleeping consistently for 9.5-11 hours every night. Most days, I wake up not feeling rested. Sometimes I think it's because I'm getting TOO much sleep. But secr...

 Things that have been making me feel happy: coffee in the pot with good creamer to go with new books from the library cat warm in bed pawing at my face company that makes me feel happy and full of love grocery shopping planning yummy meal prep laughing with my belly warm socks fresh out of the dryer my favorite shampoo new hairstyle perfume that sticks onto my worn clothes snow that melts away in the november sun finding cat whiskers getting fun mail from friends buying stamps telling people to have a great day the oil tank still being nearly full knitting going for walks and waving at passing cars wind that makes my cheeks flush red new podcast episodes paint and old paint brushes pants that fit just right big burritos sauerkraut  putting on chapstick stretching the smell of smoke from people's wood-burning houses deer crossing my path roasted veggies car rides trash day freshly made beds the geese that shit on my lawn the color orange