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killing the people pleaser

 it might turn out that having everyone like you is a red flag. This is a discovery I am making over an over again as I enter new phases of life. maybe, actually, having some enemies is a sign of strong moral character. maybe, not having everyone agree with you and getting some pushback (and then PUSHING back) is a strength.

look, i know that this is all common sense. But i am a people pleaser. I have always been a people pleaser, control freak, and nervous wreck. This triple threat combo has made me into a pushover, an ass kisser, and an emotional manipulator. Manipulator?! yep! I know exactly how to word things depending on your social cues to persuade some form of agreement. I know exactly how to fucking pull strings and smile at just the right time. 

Since moving to Maine i have developed some relationships that aren't built on a mutual admiration and/or friendship. In fact, I would pretty confidently state that there are a handful of people here that don't like me. And here's why this really bothers me....

1. example A doesn't seem to like me because I am bossy. I take charge and incentivize good work ethic. so....i'm a bitch.

2. example B has never explicitly shown a distaste for me, but is friends with example A. example B would be friends with anyone no matter how bad they are. Therefore, based on the generalized way example B treats others, I can conclude that example B might not really like most people, they just show the same demeanor towards everyone. In conclusion, i am unsure if example B likes anyone in a genuine way.

3.example C shows hints of distaste for me in small criticisms of my work. there small comments and subsequent actions lead me to believe that example C is threatened by me, and probably doesn't like me a whole lot.

4. example D does not like me at all. and i don't like example D either. example D gets on my nerves like no one has ever gotten on my nerves before. I've really disliked people before, don't get me wrong, but example D grinds my gears in a way I've never experienced before.

and I know it's not healthy to complain, but it's my blog goddamnit and i can write whatever i want.

here are my solutions: none! (maybe better communication), but otherwise I have come to decide that my enemies currently have judgement upon my character because i excel in areas where they potentially lack.

I am done kissing asses that don't need to be kissed. I am done becoming a floormat because I want to be agreeable. It's time for me to take grasp of my moral beliefs and not shrink or bend them because others don't agree.


i'm really grumpy tonight. irritable. fed up. and right now i'm not afraid to tell others to fuck right off. end of my story. bye for now.

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