Nuggets and Notions: A Grand Journey: Timescapes and Records from this Little Life

  and when that cruel world takes me in it's fading and purely accidental light i pray that you'll come out in the rain dressed in that old yellow raincoat sighing and whispering to me none of us deserve it, love hold my warm body in the palms of your hands rub my fractured head look into my glistening eyes walk me down the road  take gentle steps, love go past the trail that the deer have worn bare find a quiet spot where only a few raindrops will find me far from where predators will smell  the sweet scent of my family lay me here  softly in a comfortable position tuck me into bed with a kiss and think of me when the morning comes in its newly rising and purely accidental light

 Good Morning, the clock reads 6:45, the sun kisses the earth and the birds are eager to let the world know that it has turned to a new day. Slept so well last night, my body feels like it's ready to greet this day. The coffee is hot, and my pajamas keep me wrapped up in the peace from a good sleep.  In the mornings it's easy to imagine that my love is with me, there's this sense of daydreaming comfort that lingers above me as I slowly wade back into reality. Oh, how I wish they were here with me, but also how fortunate I have felt knowing that I have a love that can linger with me like this. Deep calm sneaks it's way in this morning. We are at the end of week two here with the program. It's exciting to feel the energy of knowing that this place is an inspirational ground for so many souls, including mine. I've been itching to paint, but unsure of what to make art about these days. I'll prbably make art about this: the perfectly mundane and peaceful state of...

 Greetings to the small handful of you who find indulgence in my public diary posts. I love that you're here. Currently writing to you from the mother-in-law's cottage of Everwood Farmstead. I moved here yesterday to get settled in before i begin my position as the Residency Administrator for our Summer 2026 season of residency programing. This place is so beautiful, and seems to have some sort of magic that I'm excited to unlock. I'm going to pull out the watercolors after I'm done with you to see what happens. It has been a...rough week in terms of handling such major change so fast. First of all, everything is excellent, and that's a part of why this is all maybe so hard. Second of all, I'm returning home for this season of life, which feels kind of surreal after being away for so long. I established a new sense of reality in Maine, and so now returning to this rhythm (even though it will be a new rhythm) in this familiar place feels mostly quite strange...

 Good Morning from Prospect Harbor, Maine. The whole earth seems to recognize spring as the time for change. Warm winds signal to birds that it is time to return to their summer breeding grounds. The songbirds sing a melody of a new season. the frogs in the pond sit in chorus together, welcoming a new chapter to begin. Plants emerge and stretch up from the ground, opening their faces to the new light of a season. May is a month of new beginnings. baby animals open their glossy eyes to the view of a new life. This morning I too woke up and felt reborn. Yesterday was my last day of work at this job I've poured myself into for the last year. it feels surreal, my mind still hasn't grasped that it's over. My subconscious still believes that it's just my weekend an that I'll be putting on my bandana and kitchen clothes on friday. But I wont. The pages of this life are turning over.  There is a certain untethered feeling that comes with being mid-transition. An anxiety and...

 Last year when I constructed my thesis show I wrote poetry on a side of the wagon. it never received much direct feedback but I have been thinking about it this morning. The writing is as follows: "To be truly Human one must recognize the wild animal that resides within their self. Nourish yourself and proceed into the world with verve and caution. Bare your teeth often. I am a great beast. A force born from nature. Life depends on death. it is our responsibility to feed and be fed upon. We are only capable of greatness if we foster an environment to be great within." Your tender body and heart (MY tender body and heart) are wild things born from nature. Will you allow yourself to be domesticated? Or should we fly into the unknown with all the passion and fire that lives within the great roaring creature that we are? Dive in, eat up, and stoke the flames within yourself that are turning to ember and ash. Should we live a life of the lazy old dog or the life of the desperate...

 Winds of change: our forecast says spring is here. We don't have freezing temps predicted for the next couple of weeks. Rain, clouds, sunshine, the breeze carries a whisper of warmth. Summer teases us.  With it comes the personal changes. Summer in Wisconsin calls to me, but the ties I've made in Maine are starting to become taught. I'm in reflection mode. Am I ready to leave? Short answer is Maybe....The long answer remains complicated. the sea whispers sweet nothings to me, begging me to come back. I promise her I will, but am committed to leading this life of a drifter for a while, I must continue to build a solid foundation for myself to live from. I NEED TO BE INVOLVED IN THE ARTS!!!!! The Atlantic is a special beast, she is unforgiving and has some sort of dark magic. As the sun breaks beyond the clouds and reflects off the water, she reminds me that she carries a sense of dreaming magic, too.  I am a dreamer. I dream of the struggle of pulling myself up by my boot...

 Dear Blog, I watched the tide rise this morning as I sipped my coffee and continued to obsessively calculate how long It'll be until my student loans are paid off. (too long unfortunately) Updates for me:  1. I'm still burnt out, but thankfully the burnout has moved into the work portion of my life and has allowed for me to find inspiration within the creative/professional side of things. These days, all I want to do is stay in the house and paint--Which is great for my spirit, but working the long hours that I do has gotten in the way of my creative process and has left me feeling frustrated. I wish I could just work a 40 hour work week like normal people do...it would allow me the time to come home after work and still have the energy to paint productively. Instead, I've been pushing through and painting when I have no gas left in the tank, and the results of this work have been proving to make some raw and honest pieces. I'm excited about this body of work, which mo...

good morning from Downeast Maine. its 9 am, i've gotten through the shower, read a little bit, have drank a substantial ammount of coffee, and did 30 minutes of yoga. not off to a bad start. my hiatus is starting to come to an end. I feel it internally.  I have spent the last week sick as a dog. I developed a headcold that became some serious laryngitis. my voice was taken from me. luckily, I finally had a good sleep on day 9 of my illness and woke up feeling like the fog was lifiting. Spending a week under the weather feels like being wrapped in a stifling blanket. No talking, no moving, clearing mucus, a general dull sense of pain that never really seems to get better despite the dayquil, nyquil, and constant doses of ibuprofen. being sick helps us to realize how grateful to be when we are in good health. Today is day three of finally being back to reasonable health and my body is hungry for activity, it's like my vessel has regained it's freedom and is yearning to stretc...

 I am in limbo. I think I've been in limbo since September. I have been floating in a completely consuming state of inactivity. When there's no distractions, it's easy for me to slip into patterns of negative self talk and extreme bouts of internalized anxiety. Yesterday when I left for work I was convinced that the wind would push the door open and the cat would run away and get run over by a truck. The day before that, a fire would burn down the entire house because I couldn't remember if i unplugged the electric blanket (i did), kill the cat, and I would be homeless. I can recognize these spirals as anxiety associated with leaving home and also generalized anxiety, but can still struggle to dig my way out of the thought patterns.  Today I woke up with more energy and clarity, even though I've been sleeping consistently for 9.5-11 hours every night. Most days, I wake up not feeling rested. Sometimes I think it's because I'm getting TOO much sleep. But secr...

 Things that have been making me feel happy: coffee in the pot with good creamer to go with new books from the library cat warm in bed pawing at my face company that makes me feel happy and full of love grocery shopping planning yummy meal prep laughing with my belly warm socks fresh out of the dryer my favorite shampoo new hairstyle perfume that sticks onto my worn clothes snow that melts away in the november sun finding cat whiskers getting fun mail from friends buying stamps telling people to have a great day the oil tank still being nearly full knitting going for walks and waving at passing cars wind that makes my cheeks flush red new podcast episodes paint and old paint brushes pants that fit just right big burritos sauerkraut  putting on chapstick stretching the smell of smoke from people's wood-burning houses deer crossing my path roasted veggies car rides trash day freshly made beds the geese that shit on my lawn the color orange

 . i have varicose veins on my inner right ankle . sometimes when i think im hungry im actually thirsty . my voice can only last about 10 hours before it gets hoarse . daily bananas are good for body+brain . i carry tension in my shoulders . my feet feel best when they are bare . good quality socks are actually really important . i need chapstick before bed (and handlotion) . it feels better to read than scroll (duh. but sometimes its hard) . ice cream mostly tastes good when its homemade. . short hair is practical, yet challenging to style . i always feel better when im outside . i can widthstand extremely hot temperatures (but with get a rash if i don't wipe the sweat away) . i hate conspiracy theories .i shake with anxiety when its too loud in the morning . a happy dance always helps . my pimples emerge when im stressed . my bowel movements become unpredictable when im stressed .im bloated when im stressed .fresh flowers help .the sound of the ocean balances my nervous system .l...

 it might turn out that having everyone like you is a red flag. This is a discovery I am making over an over again as I enter new phases of life. maybe, actually, having some enemies is a sign of strong moral character. maybe, not having everyone agree with you and getting some pushback (and then PUSHING back) is a strength. look, i know that this is all common sense. But i am a people pleaser. I have always been a people pleaser, control freak, and nervous wreck. This triple threat combo has made me into a pushover, an ass kisser, and an emotional manipulator. Manipulator?! yep! I know exactly how to word things depending on your social cues to persuade some form of agreement. I know exactly how to fucking pull strings and smile at just the right time.  Since moving to Maine i have developed some relationships that aren't built on a mutual admiration and/or friendship. In fact, I would pretty confidently state that there are a handful of people here that don't like me. And he...

 evening comes in the form of face lotion and q-tips after many hours of boiling hot oil, beef, pickles on the side, and sweat. Vocal cords are shot from yelling expo orders since 11:00 am.  the rabbit you hit on the way home lays in the ditch. you drug it to the curb so it could be in peace. guilty for its life caught between the rubber and asphalt. rinse the bug spray and stink off. use conditioner even though you'll wash tomorrow morning. exhale deeply. have a beer. put on bon iver even though you don't like him a whole lot but he reminds you of home. i have worn my favorite perfume to bed on the hardest nights. A bottle gifted and cherished so deeply that it might go sour from not being worn.  We must (must!!) use the gifts we love most! I have come to realize that gifts are meant to be cherished in their use. Olfactory senses are a large trigger of memory. i sit far away from home and find myself reaching for special perfumes more often than I have ever done before. ...

 when you work 40+ hours a week time melts away into nothing. it is meaningless. Wednesdays and Thursdays have been set aside as my weekends, and yet these days feel surreal. I am out of sync with the world. It's the middle of week five in Maine, and summer is taking its time on the coast. I've been hiking, I've done some minor travel. It's hard to do without company sometimes.  Yesterday was one of my first bad days. I'm starting to really have the weight of post-grad slump onto me. I miss my college friends, and I miss living with seven people who could constantly provide me with companionship. I miss my cat. I'm going to get a haircut today. I'm going to book a tattoo appointment with this cool queer artist in portland. I am needing to get out of the house and laugh. My physical practice has been put on hold due to time constraints. But I am gathering a lot of external knowledge that will inform the art I make when I get to a point where I feel i can do i...

 big exhale. A long and difficult morning full of tears of both joy and maybe tears of fear or sadness or something else i can't put my finger on. currently stationed in Birch harbor Maine, typing furiously because I've been dreading reconnecting with the rest of the world. Sitting in a chair a woman died in a year ago. It's comfortable. Clouds roll in and out over the water. It's 9:38 am.  Sometimes change that has been planned happens so fast you barely even see it happen. Ploop! Here I am in paradise! Ploop! Suddenly the brief vacation that Mom and I were having turns into an actual life I'm living. Woah! I don't wan't to necessarily slow down, I just need to catch my breath. As expected, the last two weeks of school destroyed my immune system. I can't believe humans weren't made to be working nonstop from 5:30-8pm every day. I'm sniffling and coughing a bit but that seems to be the only symptoms of this slight cold. Recap: had an amazing resi...

      Yes, the show was truly spectacular. I have had some days now to reflect on the short week and a half that the wagon was allowed to live. This project was a part of me. Building it felt like growing a new limb. The wagon was a rib pulled from my body and granted a very temporary life. Putting it together was like a symphony, a grand moment where everything I had planned went right. It was serendipity. Almost never does a project go as well as this one did.  I have never before dedicated this much time and effort into a single thing. This project took precedence over my life for months on end. This wagon was created as the seasons changed, as summer days turned into an icy and cold landscape.  On de-install day last week it felt like I was stripping the life-force out of a baby. The wagon was pure, I had grown emotionally attached to it (i am almost never so closely attached to my work). But it had an expiration date. I had known all along that it's existen...

I've done it again, sweet readers. I neglected you. Through not writing, I also fear that I have neglected myself.  I sit on a Monday in the Digital Process Lab- where art and design students go to get our images printed and vinyl cut and 3D prints made. I'm making the vinyl for our Senior Seminar show as I type. I've been tasked with installing this, and it will without a doubt be wonky and not placed correctly. Another semester of running full speed to the finish. It's disorienting, I feel like I don't know exactly how I got here. I have spent more time in studio over the last few months than I ever had before, and it might be the best feeling ever.  "Get to work" was posted on the wall of my studio. A Jerry Saltz quote to fuel my burnout. Get to work. The time is now. and it's true! But the time is also for my other classes, my residency, my solo show, and my job that demands a minimum of 20 hours a week. I am getting to work, but this also means th...

 Greetings,  We might be strangers again. I did not intend to put this blog down but my spring semester turned into a giant shit show. I haven't had time to shower and eat, let alone sit down and reflect. Well, this is the last week of my junior year. here I am, sent through the ringer. Finals approach and I'm faced with more time than I know what to do with and somehow even that manages to stress me out. What am I going to do with my time now that it's not full of work and school?  It is impossible to work two jobs and go to school full time, America. I hate that I have to do this in order to feed myself. Everyone around me feels the pressure too, we all hurt together. I burnout every winter, usually in march when it's been cold and snowy for too long. I cry on the phone with my mom, she usually doesn't know what to say other than,"i'm sorry." The burnout this year was significant, and I'm still very much in it. Everything takes a long time to do,...

 Hello to all the beautiful people that read this (or skim, that's okay too) Today is Sunday. Tomorrow is Monday. On Tuesday I get on the Airport Express bus and go to the Wellington airport for a flight to Auckland. There, I will meet my parents, who I miss dearly. Two days later(on Thursday) My partner flies in. From there we start our epic roadtrip adventure through the North and South Islands. Oh, the excitement and joy for the prospect of being again with my most important people! Today was kind of like my last "free day". My last roommate moved out in the morning, we had a hug, and she took her last bags and shut the door for the final time. My other flatmate had left three days earlier. We all shed tears together. Time is not like sand in a glass. It is water. It has states, but eventually, it turns to steam. Flowing into the atmosphere and turning into some abstract cloud.  The issue with time is that the cloud will never rain again. Time is mist. Time is precious...

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1K07nQxvVo